Alright let's do a quick recap how we got here.
We start with, [[Thoughts/Writings/Wannabe Stoic/Wannabe Stoics Posts/Psyching Myself Out In The Mirror]], where I took a look in the Mirror of Erised and saw a sage so integrated they were presented the opportunity for immortality.
I followed that up with, [[Thoughts/Writings/Wannabe Stoic/Wannabe Stoics Posts/Let's Talk About Death]], where I made an attempt to scare myself into actually living MY life by surrounding it with context. I also tried to take a look inside my own soul, to help myself, so that God could help me.
I followed that up with, [[How Should I Interact With Others]], where I tried to surround the simulacrum of people I know with context and performed a little experiment by recording how I feel reading ancient social media DM's.
That brings us to this post, where I am going to try and describe the friends I want, or maybe in another sense design an imaginary friend. Speaking of imaginary friends, I always wondered why the show Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends never had imaginary friends made by adults.
Before I go about designing I wanna provide some context. I made a new friend IRL recently and my relationship with them is unique compared to my previous relationships. This person is scatter brained and creative yet filled with similar delusions of greatness I used to have. They have all these ideas and a complete inability to implement. I found myself subconsciously treating this person the way I want to be treated. Whenever they tell me about one of their new grand ideas, I tell them to make a plan and implement it. I even tell them what the first couple steps of the plan should be. I phrase the research questions for them. I make them write out their vision in the form of a blog post and I edit it. I take their phone and delete dopamine optimization games. When they tell me they are watching lots of youtube, I tell them they are wasting their life. I see they can't set goalposts for their life in order to judge themselves. In all the ways I am judging this new friend I can judge myself and get similar results.
What if I was my own best friend. I would have someone to listen attentively to my enthusiastic rants. I would have someone to go deep into conspiracies with me. I would have someone to read stories to as I fall asleep. I would have someone that would critically point out my flaws in a constructive manner. I would have someone to share my secrets with. I would have someone over my shoulder making sure I appreciate my own fucking life. No wonder people marry themselves......
That image is a metaphor for masturbation.... My goal here is not to marry (or fuck) myself my goal here is to know myself better so that I can have more enticing relationships with actual people. Well maybe one does need to fuck themselves with a little psychedelic trip so they can better integrate with themselves and others. You see masturbation isn't bad in and off itself, just like with all things balance is required. Now what questions would I ask myself on a date?
- What music, movies, or TV show made the largest impact on the person you are today?
- What media are you currently consuming?
- Can I get a summary?
- What are you learning form it?
- Why do you appreciate about it?
- What part of the human condition does it shine light on?
- Are there any changes you would make to this media personally?
- Can you retell what what happened in your favourite TV Show or Movie and relate it to the context of your life?
- What are your hobbies?
- What are your fondest childhood memories?
- What do you get up to with your friends?
- What is your routine like?
- What do you want your routine to be like?
- How do you make money?
- How would you prefer to make money?
- What are you really knowledgeable about?
- What are you passionate about?
- Who are your favourite people (Musician, Celebrity, Intellectual, Friend, Family Member)?
- What do you want to know more about?
- Who would you want as your mentor? What would you ask them?
- What are your aspirations in life?
- What would you do with an additional million dollars?
- What would you do with an additional billion dollars?
- What teacher made a large impact on your growing up? How?
- What was your favourite course in school / collage?
- And of course the 36 questions designed to help you fall in love with anyone
Now I actually feel a little embarrassed for not having all these answered written out. Should people have all these answers written out? Well they should have a good idea what the answers are if they are to know themselves? I would hazard a guess and say that the average person does not know themselves very well. What are the different levels of which one can know oneself? Can and should this data of the self be documented in a data structure or wiki? How would one go about integrating with other people given this data structure existed? What would the schema even look like? Hmmm.... those questions are going to be fun to get into later. Let's get back to the problem at hand.
If I could design my friends what would they be like?
There is one specific type of social interaction I am drastically craving. I construct these half formed thesis' I want someone to listen to then help me develop. I want to explain the value of blockchain and the nature of digital infrastructure, my appreciation for a good psyop, the theoretical and realistic end game of different value systems, what humanity's relationship with AI should be, what premises should be input into the IRL matrix, integration of different fictional universes, how to develop good philosopher kings among other things. With all these value preferences, it should be easy to identify who I am on social media. I want my friends to interrogate me interrogating them with the goal of exploration. I want someone that can resonate with my intensity? Hmmm.... what would a fictional take of my own life look like?
There are other activities I want to get up to with my friends. I want to have a media club. I want to interrogate and dissect media, what makes a good psyop good, you know. I want to have a group of friends together and we all take like 20 minutes to explain in detail what media we are currently consuming. Be it scientific papers, books, TV Shows etc. etc. followed by a discussion. I want this discussion to have structure, a pattern to it, a direction a focus. Not this scatter brained podcast type of conversation. I want to have debates where we take each others sides to the extreme. I also want all my friends to produce something be it art, electronics projects, blog posts, or videos just something for us to engage with, something to add to the discussion. Did my subconscious just say that I want to go back to collage? But I can not get the types of interactions I desire in the collages of today.
I would like some friends that embody my values better than I do. I appreciate people that can get up in the morning with a routine and high degree of focus because they know what they need to do. I like people who are open to new types of experiences. I like people who have a growth mindset. I like people who can rant to me for an hour about what they care about. I personally feel alone even when I am surrounded by people, I expect my friends to make me feel like I belong. I want friends that will support me but still have the gall to drop me if I turn into a degenerate. I want my friends to message me whenever they have those eureka moments. I want friends to work on projects with, be dependable on their deliverable's, and enjoy talking out their problems.
I want someone to follow. I, like my friend mentioned earlier, can be a pretty scatter brained individual. My life lacks structure and right now I am the only one that can impose it on myself. I guess I subconsciously desire a father figure or mentor that is well put together, accomplished, has serious connections, and high expectations for me. That I do not have. I want someone to tell me what singular focus the next 6 months of my life has. I want someone to tell me what type of skills I should be getting. I want someone to tell me what audience I should be writing for. I want someone to tell me what books to read. I guess I really do subconsciously want to go back to collage. Too bad I usually too suborn to actually listen..... a character flaw to examine later. Hmm..... If I was to design my own collage program for myself what would it look like? What is we had collective based programs with mentors rather than a curriculum.
I want friends who have passions and a open enough mind that can integrate with mine. I want to listen to someone lecture me for an hour on what they care about. I hope they can listen to me rant and rave for an hour about the nature of cyborgs and how they change the human condition. I am realising one reason I do not feel fulfilled in my life is because I don't get to rant and rave to anyone and no one rants and raves to me. I remember one guy I met online who was insanely passionate about the rights of digital entities such as Hatsune Miku. I want more people like that in my life.
I was once told, "People need to feel like you're invested in their lives before they tell you their secrets". Am I even invested in my current friends lives? Some yes but other just seem to exist beside me. What does it mean to be invested in other people's lives? Who's lives am I most invested in? How do I want people to be invested in my life? When do I want them to contact me? What should they contact me about?
But more than anything I want someone to force me to live my life. I want someone else to instill the value of vitality within me. I want someone to tell me how I should climb out of my shell. I want someone to make introductions for me. I want someone to ask me what have I been up to over the last week then ask if I am actually getting towards my goals and respecting my own values. I want someone to call me up in the morning and ask what do you have planned today. I want someone who I can call before bed and tell them about my day, and cross reference what I said in the morning. I may have just described an executive assistant, or a wife, or a co-founder.
Hmm.....
I want to explore this vitality thing more. Rather than attempting to stare God right in the eye I should imagine the image of my own corpse and and what it represents.