I expect we all see ourselves in some sort of narrative. If we didn't we wouldn't be able to make decisions. Life is just a string of logs surrounded by context after all.
When I was really young I remember having this intense fear of God. My narrative growing up was to please God in order to achieve ever lasting life and overcome death anxiety. In the first grade I was convinced God was going to come down and judge us for how we treated other conscious entities such as animals. This fear came our with such intensity I was not allowed to go home and the school had to call my parents to pick me up. I remember getting a sense of euphoria after going to church for the years after that. Then of course there was that incident where I looked in the mirror and experienced the heat death of the universe while also forgetting my name. I saw God as the only way to outmaneuver what seemed to be the eventual death of all consciousness, intelligence, and everything that could have value.
I remember obtaining a new narrative in high school. I had taken The Transhumanist Wager in the 9th Grade years before reading the book. I simply forced my wannabe objective mind to watch "Transcendent Man" and performed a slight of hand magic trick replacing the ideology that underpinned my identity in 3 days flat. Transcendent Man, a biopic of Ray Kurzweil, showcased how we can use technology to our pace death and possibly transfer our consciousness into other mediums such as computers. This thought experiment coming from an authority provided me a path towards salvation. Reflecting on it now it was like a true mimetic virus has infected me and spread while I was unaware of it. I remember reflecting during lunch at school three days after watching "Transcendent Man" saying to myself in essence, "I am a different person now. I need to dedicate the majority of my time and energy to get into a position where I can take advantage of longevity escape velocity." Little did I know it would be years before I met anyone that thought like me and I was not smart enough to navigate in the direction of my goal in any tangible terms.
I remember reading "The Transhumanist Wager" for the first time. I had pirated it on TPB and read it on my tablet in the 11th Grade. I started reading at ~21:00 and did not stop till ~07:00 the next day. I felt so empowered reading a narrative that articulated exactly how I felt. Was that how I actually felt or how I was programmed in some way I still need to find out. In the years that followed I would sometimes ask myself what would Jehtro Knights do. I also learned that Jethro was written not as a person but an AI and still continued to ask myself that question nevertheless.
After high school I had expected to have free time of which I was to self actualize. Self actualize into what exactly? That I am still currently trying to define. I had so many ill conceived notions of what I could become. I have had time when there was nothing expected of me and I just sat around wasting it in nihilistic pursuits. I have attached myself to teams, projects, and companies that were meant to deliver something that never even came close to materializing. I remember what I described as "my projects" where were my identity came from. "My Projects" justified my position and role within the world I lived in. "My Projects" are now used by literally no one not even myself. I have accomplished nothing with my life and frankly still haven't. Even when I write code to solve problems other people give me I never deliver. What skills do I even have? What am I even good for? Am I simply one of God's many cum stains? Lol that last one is pretty funny. Though remember, how much pollen does a tree have to produce in order to grow another tree somewhere else that produces pollen....
What would a tree produced from God's cum look like? Dam this analogy needs some work, but I do mean this question sincerely. What was I supposed to be. Who am I supposed to become, I mean I am the protagonist of my own life after all. Well there are many things I was supposed to have accomplished so far.
- Defi Dex including intellectual property NFT's with royalty payouts
- A implementation of Government (DAO) using blockchain smart contracts
- A peer tutoring protocol that can evolve into an institution I labelled "Hacker University"
- A robot that could go to class/work for me
- A Self Aware Memex
- A knowledge engine, wiki plus query language to index and query everything I know
- A universal messaging protocol compatible with all social media
- A series of wearables to act as reflection of how my body is functioning, communicating, and receiving
- An AI assistant to act as my therapist and enhance who I am from a set of premises that can be updated
- OSINT Infrastructure running on physical infrastructure I own and control
- Completely self hosted cloud alternative for individuals and enterprises
- A really cool smart home
- Be able to change the minds of religions/political people using raw logic
- Have different friends so I did not have to write, [[If I could design friends what would they be like]]
So many ideas, so much cum on the walls. I can't put a meaningful dent in all these things within my lifetime, well maybe if I learn to manage people I can. Hmmm all those visions of who I was supposed to be involved me being some sort of leader. Though the world is already going in all the directions I have listed above. All I can is shape where we already going.... Well progress does not necessarily have a direction the way I think it does. All the CPU's on the planet could be locked down cryptographically never allowing piracy to exist. The internet could have been easily setup as pay per use rather than observing net neutrality. Hitler could have won WWII. The British could have won the War for American Independence. The Catholic Church could have never existed to preserve knowledge through the dark ages. You are starting to believe the World's Greatest Lie once again, stop that.
Alright so you have an idea for what you want to do, that is better than the average person. Now you have to choose ONE item from the list above and spend the next 6 month on it. Actually I think I can do two of them at the same time. OSINT likely has the best leverage and I am going to need to find some tutors to help me out. Ya that seems doable, let's sit in this for a couple days and see how we feel.